Why? That is the question we have all asked so many times about so many different things..
What is the answer ? That's where it get's interesting, I think...
I'm sure you have said many times in your life so far, " Why is this happening to me ?" and you want a answer but you don't get one, Why ? There is is again.. That word.. WHY..
I personally have had my share of Why's and i will share them with you, Let me just start with my first one.. When i was younger I knew something was wrong with me, However we didnt know what so the doctors all said I was a "Nervous Child". Yes they classified me as Nervous.. Now if you know me at all, This was so far from the truth, I grew up on a farm, I watched cows eat and when they eat.. They eat slow !!! I loved my life on the farm.. We had 3 Wheelers we drove through the field and had a awesome time. I was a devil in plain English. (Yes this is where joy gets it but i was a good devil, lol ) So back then these were my Why's..
- Why do i have to move all the time ?
- Why can't i sit still when were in a reasturant ?
- Why do i make that weird noise ?
- Why don't people want to be my friend ? Is it because im weird ?
- Why me.. Why ?
- Why do i have to have Tourettes ? Why do I have to have Seizures ?
- Why do i have to be the weird one ?
- Why can't i just drop out of school like i want to ?
- Why is it wrong that i hate these things about myself ?
I grew up, Had children and raised them by myself, I never worried about support, we got by and I would do anything for my kids and still will. When your a parent its a whole different ball park of Why's especially when you have a child that is sick or has a illness. Lets put it this way it breaks me when one of my kids are running a fever so going back about 5 years I found out Joy has tourette syndrome also.. I blamed myself of course, No that was not the right thing to do and i do realize that but when you are the parent that actually has that disorder yourself you seem to do that. So in the last 5 years I have asked these "why's" ..
- Why does Joy have to struggle with Tourette Syndrome like I did ?
- Why Does April have so much pain ? What is wrong with her ? (this was before i found out about her chiari malformation)
- Why are they running in and out of this room getting different doctor's to see April ?
- What is Chiari Malformation and What are they going to do for it ?
- Why does she have to have brain surgery ? I am so scared !!
- Why won't they give me an update, she has been in surgery for over 10 hours ?
- Why is April going through this, she has never hurt anyone or anything ? Put me through this pain, its not fair !
- Why is Chad in pain ? Why does he have a double hernia ?
- Why does she need another surgery ? And then another and another ??
- Why wont these surgeries end ? Why can't she be a normal child, she wants to know ?
- Why wont this pain stop ? It's been 14 days since surgery, I hate seeing her in pain !
- WHY SHOULD ANY CHILD SUFFER ?? WHY SHOULD THEY BE IN PAIN ? ITS NOT FAIR !!
Here is what i want to say though.. When something big happens to your child, a family member, yourself, or someone else you are going to say Why is this happening ? Well I have come to the conclusion that for about 75% of these "Why's" you won't be able to get an answer from someone, Only God has the answers. You may be able to come up with the answer or a good idea of why if you think about it. The answers have to really come from inside of you. God does things for a reason.. We are not meant to know these reasons sometimes and maybe that is okay.
Let me give you a example of what i am saying, I have always asked this question..
- Why do i have to have tourette syndrome ?
- I believe I have tourettes syndrome because I was meant to educate people I meet about what tourettes is.. If i go to a school meeting for one of the kids the first thing i will say is " Hi, I am Joy's mom Debra, If you see any movements its just tourettes syndrome, If you don't know what that is I can tell you.."
So to end this we all have "why's" but if you cant get a answer by asking someone you may need to dig deep or just letting go, I have many questions I have to let go of because there really is no answer, at least for now.. Hopefully this will make sense to some of you and possibly help someone.. I felt like i wanted to write it because i have struggled for a long time with questions (since i was about 6 years old) and now that i am 38 I figured some stuff out.
God bless everyone
Debbie
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