Your child in pain...
No one wants to have their child in pain, but when it does happen, and I pray for your sake it doesn't , your body and mind goes through so many emotions that it is almost impossible to control it, but as a single parent I learned that this is a part of life that some of us do need to deal with and it makes us stronger. Hopefully this will help others.
My children mean the world to me, I would put my life on any line for them. I would do anything for them not to be hurt, in pain, or go through anything that will leave a physical or emotional scar. I believe any loving parent would do this though, A parents love cuts through everything i want to say, However sometimes as a parent you can't stop your child's pain and when that happens you start to feel numb inside, you want answers, you want to stop it.... You can't !
My daughter has been through 5 major brain surgeries and to say it has been hard on her is an understatement. I have been there for all 5 to hold her hand, give her positive words, tell her God has this and you can do this, you are strong !! I can honestly say though when you can do nothing to stop the pain you feel... Helpless ! I can't stand that feeling as a mom. I have broke down crying many times, I talked to Chaplin's because I felt i needed guidance at some point's. I spoke with several, several other parents that were on that same floor and their child was very sick too and they didn't know what to do either so we talked to each other and shared stories, yes it helped for a little while.
I would have to say this last surgery was almost the worst one, April is 2 1/2 weeks post op from surgery and she is still in pretty severe pain. The worst part is she is on several medications for her pain and she will take them but they only help for about 1, maybe 2 hours max. I have called her neurosurgeon's office and she will be seen in a couple of days but never has she been in this much pain after a surgery or going home with this much pain.
I have been asked by a few people how I am doing and I say "I don't know how to even answer that question" because honestly, I don't.. I worry, I am sleep deprived, I feel sick because i can't stand to see my children in pain, I'm numb sometimes.. I catch myself staring out into space.. I want to take her pain away and put it inside of me..
When someone says she will be okay, I shake my head because they don't know that, they are just trying to assure me and I don't want to be assured, I want to see the pain go away and see her smiling face looking at me. I get mad, not at anyone in particular but in general because i see so may little children that are sick and Its not their fault, why should they be suffering? No answer because only God has that answer. I keep praying every night that tomorrow is going to be a better day and I am so hopeful it will be.
A week ago when we were getting ready to leave the hospital i was walking down the hall bringing some stuff to the car and there was a woman sitting there looking lost, She said hi and asked me if i needed help, I said i was okay but i asked her if she was okay ? Her child was in surgery and she said she felt like screaming, crying, and she felt like she could have fallen right down because she couldn't help her. I understood it was a feeling of hopelessness and i told her i felt that way too many times.. She ended up coming downstairs with me and getting a cup of coffee and i told her that I go to the chapel ad it helps me when i feel that way.. I also told her to talk to a Chaplin because they will help you though a lot.. I'm not sure if she did but when i came back by there she wasn't there so maybe it helped maybe not..
So yes when your child, or someone Else's is in pain many things happen to you too.. I never in a million years thought I would be watching my daughter deal with something like this but she is strong and I thank god every day that he is watching over her and giving her the strength to deal with all of this.. She will not give up and she is so amazing like so many other kids I know.. God Bless Their Hearts!!
Always keep your head up and smile.. I learned this one thing is what will keep kids positive even if they can tell your scared, or upset.. They know you are behind them and with them 100% , Its hard trust me on that one, but if you can do it, you all come out the winner ! <3
Always keep your head up and smile.. I learned this one thing is what will keep kids positive even if they can tell your scared, or upset.. They know you are behind them and with them 100% , Its hard trust me on that one, but if you can do it, you all come out the winner ! <3
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